Why Is It So Hard To Move On?

Falling in love and having a relationship are two different things – Keanu Reeves.

This quote made me take a huge step back when I read it, because from the conception of man and woman, we are supposed to fall in love, get in a relationship/marriage/union and live happily ever after.

After reading the quote and giving it some thought I realized how deep and powerful those words were. In understanding them my world opened up, as it explained a question that has haunted ever woman over time…

Why is it so hard to move on from a bad relationship?

Think about it, people who are in love, and in bad relationships use the excuse of being in love to stay in the relationship.  

It made me think about one of my best friends that is in a  bad relationship that was sucking her happiness, and the essence out of her daily. She was in love with someone that did not treat her right, did not respect her love and disrespected her daily.

She used the age old excuse of “But I love him, and he loves me.” or the other famous line “But it was so great in the beginning, now it is not, why can’t we just go back to the good times?”

This made me become conscious of how powerful and deep the quote was. People fall in love every day, which can be a beautiful thing, but the relationships that can subsequently follow can be poison.  

A bad relationship does not mean that they don’t love each other, it just means they don’t know how to love each other the right way.  Bad relationships arise when people stay in relationships where they are not wanted, or not loved they way they deserve.

Love conquers all. Lies!

We stay in bad relationships because we believe that love conquers all.  We believe that if we love them right, they will in turn love us back the right way.  As women we truly feel that all it takes for a relationship to work is love. This is a lie as it takes two people loving each other the right way to make a relationship work.

But I can change him. More Lies!

Another reason we justify staying is because we believe our love could change them. We believe that if we say the right words, do the right things the relationship would eventually turn from bad to good. In some situations this may be the case, but what you don’t realize is the other person has to be willing to change for the good.

Sometimes no matter how much love you show someone, they will never change.  Because you know how to love, give love, and show love daily, does not mean the other person knows how to do the same.

I don’t deserve better! Even More Lies!

A third reason we stay in bad relationships is because we don’t believe we deserve better. We believe that the bad treatment is normal and it is what makes a relationship real.  After all, he says he loves me, so it must be love. What he gives me is all I deserve anyway, and this is what love entails.

Some women believe love should be a constant battle, it should be a constant struggle. If there is not conflict, there is no love. Wrong!!

Having the right person in your live, loving and treating you the way you deserve should ALWAYS be easy. Just like loving him comes naturally and easily to you, the relationship should also come naturally and easily for both.  

This only happens once in a lifetime! Lies again!

We stupidly and blindly believe that love comes once in a lifetime. We were trained to believe that falling in love happens only once in a lifetime and because we love them we are bound by life’s rules to stay, even if it is bad. After all we are in love!  WRONG again!  

The beauty about life is chances. Life gives you opportunities to fall in love over and over again so we learn to get love right eventually.

It’s all about separation. Truth!

As the quote says falling in love and having a relationship are two different things. Being in love with someone does not mean you have to be in a relationship with them. That may be hard to comprehend when your heart is overwhelmed with an uncontrollable desire to be with the person.  But in understanding that it is two different things might help you walk away from the bad relationship.

Learn to identify that love and a relationship are two different things. Love is good, relationship can be good or bad.

You might always hold that love and respect in your heart for that person you love, but you need to choose not to lose you self love and respect by staying.

You can fall in love again. More Truth!

Why give your love to someone that does not love you how you deserve? Do you even know how you deserve to be loved? If love does not work out the first time keep trying. I have learned through trial and error what I truly deserve in a relationship. Love.. then respect, support, companionship and partnership. The list can go on and on and is different for everyone. So in finding and losing love, learn to identify what you deserve.

No one learns to be perfect at anything from one try! So if you were not good at love in the first, second or third try, keep trying until you perfect it!

So to answer the original question Why is it so hard to move on from a bad relationship?

Walking away from a bad relationship does not mean that we are walking away from love… because falling in love and having a relationship are two different things…..



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1 comment
Jennifer says June 24, 2018

THIS. Totally this. Thank you. 3 years ago I divorced my kids’ dad after TWENTY SIX years with him. And I totally love him and always will. But he was never going to be a good person to be in a love relationship with. He did not want to show up for anyone but himself. He was a good dad and kind man, but he just didn’t know how to be there for others. Thank you for this validation. Sometimes the guilt

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