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Saving vs Supporting.
Do you lead a double life as a superhero? Do you you swoop into men’s lives and try to fix what you think is wrong hoping to create a better life for him, yourself and the world? If you are guilty of this, your super power might be saving!
Saving men could be your superpower and you don’t even know it.
Do you choose people that need you, someone you can nurture, after all nurturing is part of our nature right? WRONG!
Before I go more indepth, let me tell you the story of Sandra.
Sandra by all perceptions “had it all,” she was smart, confident, well liked and successful. She was a great sister, aunt, and friend, but Sandra was horrible at relationships. No one including Sandra could figure out why Sandra dated the wrong guy over and over again.
Sandra’s giving nature made her a saver of the underdog. Sandra was an undercover superhero!
All the men Sandra dated needed what she called “a little nurturing.” Sandra felt that if she sacrificed her happiness upfront, gave the person her all, helped them pursue their happiness and dreams, that one day she would get the same effort in return.
If she saw any ‘potential’ for future happiness in them, they were keepers. Whether the saving was financial or emotional, if ‘potential’ was there, she would volunteer to save them.
Like Sandra, women are saving men they think have “potential.” We believe that if we love “Mr. Potential” just right, nurture them just right, that they will turn into “Mr. Right”.
After all, we are superheroes, our love can fix anyone!
Like Sandra, we believe that if we sacrifice up front, give ALL up front, eventually we will get what we want, which is love and respect. If we give up our self respect now, they will respect us later on. If you push him to be better, he will ‘eventually’ be better. If we push him to grow, eventually he will grow into who we want them to be.
That is A LOT of eventually.
Saving relationships are built on “eventually” “maybe” and “someday.” Relationships built on these words are Saving Relationships.
Sandra had to recognize what a saving relationship looked like.
Are you a saver?
Here are some questions that can help you identify if you are.
- Are you using all your resources to make their life better?
- Are you in love with who they will be tomorrow, not who they are today?
- Are you giving someone your all now with the hopes of eventually getting love and respect in the future?
- Are you sacrificing your happiness, just to have them in your life?
- Are you neglecting yourself to make sure someone else is happy, because you believe if they are happy now, they will eventually return that favor and make you happy in the future?
- Are you getting the support you want from the relationship?
- If you were to take away what you do for him, do you have a rewarding and fulfilling relationship?
- Are your emotional needs being met in the relationship?
If the answer is yes to any of these questions you may be in an unhealthy saving relationship.
Sandra had to realize that relationships are a two way union, with mutual support.
Here are the characteristics of a healthy “Supportive Relationship?”
- The relationship is mutually beneficial
- Both partner’s needs are being met and fulfilled
- You are yourself in the relationship
- You and your partner support each other
- You challenge each other to be better.
- You want to be better for yourself, not for the other person
- You challenge each other to grow?
- You make decisions together
- You have mutual respect and trust.
So can Sandra find happiness, can you find happiness?
Sandra had to realise that you cannot save anyone, they have to save themselves.
You can only be there to offer your support. You cannot push someone to be happy or achieve success, they have to want happiness and success. You cannot save someone into who you see they can potentially be.
Healthy relationships are built on mutual feelings and actions.
You can offer your advice to support someone, but it is up to someone to take that advice. It is everyone’s responsibility to fix their life.
Everyone has to accept responsibility for their life!
Stop being a superhero trying to save people, just support them where you can, it is up to them to save themselves.
-CommandingLife
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