This quote made me take a huge step back when I read it.
From the creation of man and woman, we are told that we fall in love, develop a relationship, get married and live happily ever after.
Falling in love is easy, the “best thing ever” they said!
After reading the quote and giving it some thought I realized how truthful those words were. Could this be why we experience so much hurt in relationships? After all it’s not the love we feel, it’s the lack of love that brings us the grief in some instances. In exploring the quote, mistakes in relationships can began to make sense.
Keanu might be onto something, but how does this teach us how to get over someone you love?
Why is it so hard to move on from a bad relationship, why is it so hard to get over someone?
Do you use the excuse of being in love to stay in a relationship, even though you are fully aware that it is not the best situation for you?
Everyone has experienced a bad relationship; it is more common than you realize.
The age old excuses of “But I am in love and they love me” or the other famous line “But it was so great in the beginning, now it is not, why can’t we just go back to the good times?” occur more often than you think.
People fall in love every day, which can be a beautiful thing, but the relationship that follows can be the real issue, not the love.
A bad relationship does not mean that you don’t love each other, it just means you don’t know how to love each other the right way. Bad relationships arise when the people involved don’t know how to love each other the right way yet still stay in the relationship. Sometimes the relationship itself is not possible for many reasons, but it happens anyway.
This is why the first step in getting over someone is realizing, that you are hurting not because of love, but because of something going wrong in the relationship.
Stop believing that love conquers all. Most people stay in bad relationships because they believe that the love they feel will fix and conquer it all. You believe that if you love them right, they will in turn love you back the right way.
You truly felt that all it takes for a relationship to work is love.
Eventually with all this love, your relationship did not work, so you broke up. Now that you are broken up, you must understand that love is not all it takes to make a relationship work, even though you love this person and the break up is hard, love is not all that’s needed to make a relationship work.
Accepting that love is just one part of a relationship, not the entire relationship, can help you begin to move on.
Relationships don’t work just because you believed your love could change the other person. You believed that if you said the right words, did the right things the relationship would eventually improve. In some situations, this may be the case, but what you don’t realize is the other person has to be willing to change as well.
Sometimes no matter how much love you show someone, they will never change on their own. Because you know how to love, give love, and show love daily, does not mean the other person knows how to do the same.
You will begin to heal and get over a break up by realizing that it is OK to try to make a relationship work, but the other person has to try as well. If someone does not try their best at a relationship, it is not your fault. Don’t continue to beat up yourself over things you had no control over.
Getting over a breakup from an unhealthy relationship starts with understanding that you deserve the right person in your life. You do deserve better than a relationship that brings you heartache and stress.
You deserve someone loving that treats you the right way. Relationships should never be a battle. Just like loving someone comes naturally and easily to you, the relationship should also come naturally and easily for you both
All your lives you have been told that love comes once in a lifetime. Once you have fallen in love you are bound by life’s rules to stay, even if the relationship is bad. After all, if you are in love with someone you must stay right? WRONG again!
To get over someone you must realize that the beauty about life is chances. Life gives you opportunities to fall in love over and over again so we learn to get love AND the relationship right.
Remember, just because you loved once does not mean it will not happen again.
As the quote says falling in love and having a relationship are two different things. One of the biggest things in getting over someone is to understand that being in love with someone does not automatically mean a successful relationship with them.
That may be hard to comprehend when your heart is overwhelmed with an uncontrollable desire to be with one person, but understanding that love and having a relationship are two different things will help you overcome your bad relationship experience.
Love is a feeling and it is good; a relationship is the execution of love and that is where it can be go either good or bad.
You have just experienced a bad execution of love and it has ended, it does not mean you don’t love the person, or they don’t love you, it simple means the execution was wrong. There are many reasons why the execution was wrong, it is up to you to recognize the mistakes made, learn and grow from them.
Remember always - love and a relationship are two different things.
If love does not work out the first time keep trying. Only through experience you truly understand what you deserve in a relationship and what to expect beyond the feeling of love. That is what failure should be to you, learning from mistakes how to be better in the future.
First comes the feeling of love, then respect, support, companionship and partnership etc. The list of a heathy relationship can go on and on and is different for everyone. So in finding and losing someone, learn to identify what you should have on that list.
No one learns to be perfect at anything from one try! So if you were not good at love in the first, second or third try, keep trying until you perfect it!
Time heals it all. You may be feeling like your world has come to a complete end, but remember “This moment in time is another moment in time.” Have you gone through something so terrible that you thought that you would never get through it? Guess what? You did go through it and you survived, so this will be one of those moments in time.
Only with time the hurt and pain you feel will go away. Don’t expect that you will get over your break up in one day. All of us need time, why should it be any different for you?
You have spent enough time feeling bad for yourself. How about feeling good about the lesson you just learned from this past relationship? Start off by making an inventory of what you have learned from your experience. Use this experiences to learn what you want and don’t want out of a relationship.
Think about a failed relationship like someone explaining the beauty of spring while you experience winter. They tell you that in spring the flowers are vibrant, the sun is brighter and the days longer with the most perfect temperature. No matter how they try, you cannot picture spring because all you can think about is the cold, dark days of winter you are currently experiencing.
Don’t worry, you will eventually get it, you will begin to smell the new flowers blooming, feel the warmth of the sun on your face, and you will begin to understand what spring is.
Unless you experience the difference between winter and spring, only then can you tell what happier moment are. You have to experience what you don’t like – winter, to appreciate what happiness – spring, feels like.
In making a shift from bad experiences to looking forward to embracing great experiences, and not focusing on the winters of your life you will begin to heal.
Life has a way of closing doors and opening windows. Right now may be tough, but remember “Sometimes the bad times in our lives put us on a more direct path to the best times of our lives.”
Hopefully from this post you've learned to acknowledge the lies we tend to tell ourselves when it comes to love.
We also hope you've learned to identify a few tips you can use today to make your breakup a breakthrough for your future relationships.
Use these tips, heal and starting embracing the love you have to give to yourself and others.
Were there additional tips that you used to get over a break up you found a must?
Leave a comment below to share with all the other Lifers.